Dang Tran Ha Linh

I think I'm crazy. And I like it this way. And I want to show the whole world how crazy I am. It's in my blood.

I remember thinking it was everything. All the things I did related to it. I was so good at it that I was so proud, and one can say differently. And I made use of it, turned it into a tool, showed it to everyone, left it there like a trophy, and forever look at it, staying still. Now I just stop reading a book about it, and I feel guilty. When somebody has suddenly asked me about it, I have read a few words and then put it away. There is nothing to feel about it anymore. I think my mother thinks of me that way.

Several blinks and the night comes. Two times of sleeping and the day ends. The longest nights ever, was it just for fun? May it kill your hopes, or may it die dead?

There should be a little bit of wandering somewhere else,... Don't go into the forest , bro. You would want a company , I must say. Be quick, as fast as you can, and come back with a smile on your face. I'll give you hot beverages , and a gift .

If jealousy can turn you into a psycho, how much do you need? You know, crazy enough to kill, but not enough of killing to satisfy you. Ha, well, just don't sound so regretful after that, you've already done it.

I'm thinking about losing another friend, which is that time of my life again, a turning point . Changes are weird, and must be good. Otherwise, what's the point?

What is this kind of relationship we're having, just by faking it , just by using and breaking , just by torturing and hiding, just by watching and leaving , just by picking up and throwing away , just by lifting up and putting down , just by squeezing and crushing, just by crossing lines and destroying, just by screaming and shouting, just by sobbing and crying , just by losing control and sewing soul , just by being silent ?

Drink water? How come you forget? I was hoping for you to come. "All this time I didn't know you were breaking down." "I'd fall to pieces on the floor if you weren't around." "I'll be summer sun for you forever."

Life in moments like this is never easy. Surprisingly, you catch where I'm at, right now. I'm right behind you, right beside you, or right in front of you. You caught me, but cannot touch me. You are alive now, but cannot say you are living, can you?

I want to live in peace. Oh no baby, not that kind of peace where there is no actual war where people use the weapons to seriously kill somebody and blood and death and tears and pain. I want perfect peace . A house and nature , and only me with nature, and songs and sound of the earth , and sunshine and cold rain with hot beverages , and sad poems and fun stories , and board games and horror movies . And it goes with absolute freedom . But darling, what am I trying to fight for? There isn't even peace inside of me.

I know I've got my inspirational self back when my mind is clear. Doing what I'm interested in and doing what is told to lead to a higher percentage of success are 2 different things. You can do the second, obviously. If it's not happening right now, why don't you do the other first? Those chances are slipping through my hand, which is building up a foggy wall inside my head, and colouring a darker future to my plans.

Keeping a peaceful relationship is not easy. The trouble that one of us made was so fucking nonsense! I have to fight for a better judgment of my work. And that fight, but for my own happiness , is nonsense, too. How come your final decision leads to the death of my belief in a better system of this world? Would you just do it better? It's worthless. For everyone's sake!

You need proof, don't you?

I didn't do it well. But it was a surprise it was that bad. Seriously. Not like I didn't experience this before. But every time it turned out really bad, I reconsidered all of my choices. She is a pro, but she still chose to do something else. So when I aced the thing I didn't aim for, I would still change my mind. You know. Good, or bad, there was always a sacrifice.

It was not until the moment of epiphany that I realised entertainment is also vital. There were plans, over plans, over plans. As many as they drowned me. Not like what you think. I mean, dreams can drown you, too.

I made a mistake. Then I recover. I got lost. You know. It's right. I faked it. That it was okay. That I was right to keep calm. The contradiction here is that the mistake I made was totally wrong. In every way, I start again, nothing new. Will this lead to the bad side? If I try to make it a whole new thing that someone would be afraid or astonished, will it be okay? But if I want it? If I want? If I want it?

"This flower is blue" is a lie. "This person is white" is a lie. "I can do it" is a lie. I can lie . But I didn't.

I'm happy I have the power to make you jealous. I'm happy I have the power to make you less important. I'm happy I have the power to make you look stupid. I'm even happier when I see that you would never want to be wrong your whole life. I'm happy when I suddenly become the target you would try to take down every time I do it. I'm happy when something interests me, you would try to ace it. I'm happy when you try to know everything, so the things that you know would be more of what I know. I'm happy when you read this and still get jealous, of me. 

It plays back, round and round. The community makes me feel guilty about the things I don't even feel sorry for, when they blame me for living my own life and make me feel ashamed about it. Does it really hurt you when it's my account? Does it really hurt you when it's my list of friends? Does it really hurt you when we aren't really friends ? Does it really hurt you when we aren't really friends, because I barely know you? Does it really hurt you when we aren't really friends, because I barely know you, and you barely know me? Does it really hurt you when we aren't really friends, because I barely know you and you barely know me, and somehow you forget the whole process of strangers getting to know each other THEN...?

He's my only medicine. I'm calm and crazy around him. Half of my time, without a reason, is spent wasting his time. Now it's gone. I'm filling up the blank space and spare time with work. Still in my own time, he exists. How many times do I need to tell you? It's gone, but he's still here.

I've got footprints , from the past people. That I can never wash off. The memories. The influence. The game. The feeling. The promise. The process. The end. The present is more important. I am what all of those made me. "May you be treated warmly by this world."

One of the advantages of making plans is that you will not forget things to do . Another is that you will not postpone . Not for the sake of urgency . I've been skipping days of "doing as planned in my head", and it's not working. Write it down, man. It's a must-do. I'm really nervous that I'll stop doing this wonderful personal experience as I grow older. But I'm not. I think that having a pet is such a beautiful experience, too. Add it to your plans, will you?

It comes again. Pieces of feelings. The love or hate. Please stop. What I really need is. Silence . You don't need anything from. me. Do you? I cannot have it here. I need to go. I'll stay as long as I want, then go. Yes, again.

It's soon to be my funeral. Under my expectation. I've got to spend every day wondering how I will die. And another day, wondering if it's better to die or to live. Like this. The murderer comes every time I sleep, to make sure I still breathe till the day he wants. "Will you be mad?... if I kill myself before I sleep?" I think he will be even crazier if I still live, on the day he wants.

Of course, I have questions, but you wouldn't answer. It's pretty clear that the protocols in conversations prevent me from getting to know you better. And you wouldn't want me to. I really enjoy what you're doing. But I'm curious about what you did. It's not fair. Not for you. You're not like what I feel about them. They're doing great, either. And I want to know what they are doing. So we should keep a distance , I guess.

"Would you be afraid of changing? Really? Why?" I never asked it to stay the same. I believe in faith . I also believe I can change my own destiny . But I do wait for another second. The things are good. It's true. I don't want to let it go. It's beautiful in the name of love. Should enjoy the moment. Should nostalgize . Should prepare.

That was funny. She was crying. Crying and being a victim. I looked at her. Stared. You know. It's kinda hard to understand. Well, it's true that she's a victim. But cry? Meh. Well, I didn't do anything. Just watched. I didn't care about comforting or hugging or giving her a tissue! Heh, it's not my job so... I was like half a meter away from her , you know? It's like a movie. But kinda funny 'cause I didn't feel anything while still being attracted to her crying. So I just watched!

"Enough? Ooh, I'm greedy and selfish." Don't you think you are so important! While all your friends celebrate that "haha" achievement of yours, I get ignored. You don't talk! It's not about you, eh? It's about other people. You don't talk! You don't say anything/ You are selfish and a lunatic. I'm unhappy in my own house. I think about it at my work. I don't even want to go home. I gave you stuff and you've done nothing! Enough is enough! Get out of my house!

I know this isn't fair. I can get jealous, envious. I can make you hurt. I can make you bleed. My mind is unclear. But you should be the one who lost. Love? No. I blame you. You don't deserve it. Anything. Everything. Because I'm better. It's somewhat-fucked-up. Somewhat fucked up. You are a loser. You cannot win over me. Friends? No. I almost defeated you. "That luck will leave you next time." Said 3 times, but you still get the attention. Hahahahahaha... There will be no next time.

Well, I may have that disorder . It's surprising, though. But it's not really important. I just force myself to be 'normal'. And that is the problem. It doesn't help much to blame the fairness of this world for your situation. But I still do. It's fucking insane because I'm afraid to be unique . They're gonna judge and criticise till the day we die. Hardly had I done anything better, or worse. " They keep me normal ". I said. Although I know deep down in this rotten soul, EVERYTHING is different .