Dang Tran Ha Linh

'Cause you know that moment when you cannot escape, then you go deeper, I refuse, I run faster, I hide better, then I come back to you, but I keep refusing, maybe I am losing, don't hide, face it, but I chose the other way, 'cause this love for you ain't becoming worse, but that good they gave me was, at least, for me, there is a difference, this love is my choice, but that thing was theirs, I don't have to bare it no more, 'cause I made them stop, I think you don't have to bare my love no more, 'cause you made me stop, I guess you were tolerating it, weren't you?

It takes up my energy. Much. To stay down-to-earth . And I feel empty. And I lose track of things. They are so deceptive. And hateful. Out of me. It makes me wanna hug him more. To hide. To run. But it's just my illusion . There's no chance. And I have to ride alone. I ran out of battery . But I have only one way to recharge . So I sleep. What if it's not enough? What if I fall before I sleep? What if...?

You know, we all have that choice made at the end of the day . I guess I had never experienced such a thing. He gets me. Completely. He is the only one, rather than me, in this whole world. Got me. All of me. He has the power to ruin me and save me. It was the thing I didn't want to lose. But he chose the first one. He ruined me. I was in agony , devastated . It's over. Just like that. He is still the only person. But what about me? I also know myself, don't I? I know that he shouldn't have that power. Shouldn't I hope to find it in anybody? It's enough. I must be the only one who has that power. Yes. Just like this.

I truly got upset. Well, a little bit. Still. When I realised that I would die young because of my sickness . Then I really know that a big part of me wants to die. My mind flashed with some images. These are known as my deepest desires . It was just about being upset about the sickness I'm having, and it's leading to my death. And about the karma I have to pay. Surprise?! Thinking about karma, I feel ready to die. I mean, it's what I owe , everybody. Let it be what it is. I do. 

One cool yet cruel thing about listeners is that they will listen to everything you say. They try to take it in, try to understand, try to get it, try to figure it out. Well, I mostly feel what they say. I can feel the tone, feel the content, feel the effect . There was a time when I could not feel it. Criticism . Harsh . Many. So it was overloaded for me to remember exactly when I did the exact thing they said I did. It was funny as hell to look back on it. But at the time I heard those words, it hurt. I don't even try being the exact thing they said I was. I become it. Because it is just not right to be the old me no more. It's gone. Trust me. I am still grieving for it .

Where is mine? What about me? Are you doing that for me? For you? No, it's all mine. No, I won't do it. You do it for both of us. They are calling you. You do it. Take it. It's your job. You do all the job. I watch. Hello? What's in it for me?

Suddenly useless. Suddenly hurt. People say I'm useless. People say I'm stupid. People say it's nonsense. People say forget it. "Are you dumb? I'm gonna make fun of you Look at you You are a loser" Baby, they are not strangers Yes, it's your mother

I was sitting in the corner. I have never sat in the corner. I wouldn't sit alone in the corner. But you made me do that. That was weird That was new That was clear I chose to leave that corner I left you, or you left me I have never noticed It was this easy.

I feel guilty and embarrassed the whole time. It's carved in my head. We lost the moment. I lost my image. It's gone. No. I am remembered forever. Sorry guys...  Everybody looked at me. I say in my head now: -Yes, I did it, bitches! I say it out loud: - I admit it, bitches! I shout at everybody: - I confess, bitches! They whisper: - Yeah, just don't do it again. or: - You may wanna stop that. or: - Oh yeah? I'll do it! Watch this!

I was shocked when I realized that they, even my best friends, cannot stay with me, accompany me the whole way, to whichever destination it leads. It's just me facing this cruel world , all alone. I didn't want to be born to be alone. I didn't want to be a kind of fierce lion in the forest full of wild animals . It became more and more difficult. And then I finally found something to pursue. It's like destiny . That's the moment when I understand all those things happened for some reason . Huh... It's better than that as if nothing had happened. One thing is for sure: I'm okay now. This way.

Will there be a way out? If it's deep inside me now, will there be a way out? Am I really scared? Or am I just being stubborn? Am I ready for it? Or am I losing my chances? They come just once, we all know that. We are fools for attention. So why am I avoiding it now? Do you really care? What was that about? Is that supposed to be a friendship? I am faking it. Relationship is attractive. I need to be honest. I don't need it any more. Oh, I do! It was good, right? Because it was just the way it was. I don't give a shit. Or maybe I do! One hundred dollars . One thousand dollars . I bet. I need more time. Sorry if I was cold. A mess in my head. And it is okay.

Letting things go seems like a BIG plan. How can we seriously let people go today and completely have no signs of their footnotes in our memories the moment we open our eyes after a delightful celebration, with a goodbye-for-good to the people we put up with this whole time last night? I have done much of this just to acknowledge "oh wow", " this could be it ". Came to the end just yet? I'm sorry, too. I'm scared, too. There's hope for everything . Let's draw a conclusion now. Be brave. I trust us.

Okay, so there's one fact that I think we both know. I have to use you for some purpose, or I'd leave you there on the shelf forever. Well, I've been apt to keep things too formal, and you are too beautiful. I would never know what important events or situations would come so that I could write them down. I'm tired of doing this shit, knowing I cannot bear any more once they come back. And I keep postponing and wasting time. Would there be a plan that I'd stop doing due to the foreseeable future, but I would plan it anyway? Well, I've done it several times. I guess I'm the super extraaa positive type.