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What a pity. When I look at you, I see my future. The future that I have to accept. I will live in despair for the rest of my life.  What a shame. When you look at me, you fear that I have no future . The future that I am doomed to. You will throw me in a pool to wake me up, and tell me that I'm doing too much for nothing, that I don't even belong. It's not the place where I want to be. It's not the place where I should be.
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It feels good to talk to you. So good that I forget other things and people. So good that I tend to improve my life. So good that I do what you ask for. So good that I need no more. Just a few words, so good that they fully charged my mind.
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Nothing tastes like giving up. She felt it in my silence. My bitterness.  I admitted defeat.  I've never lived so purposelessly. Like this is not for me, right from the start. So stubborn, we both know that.
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I'm not sure how much attention you want, or how much I want. So much that you would die for my glare, so much that I would not even react. You act like you're the only one in that room. I act like you don't even exist. Really, it felt like you were teaching the fish how to swim . I could only laugh. I am never that important . But it felt so good to be that important.
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That's pretty impressive, and out of the blue. I've never thought about getting myself hurt in the intestines again this way. Not love, not hate, but pure fear of losing money , my identity , and my pride . I guess the boring days are not so boring anymore. I guess when the sensitivity is back, my emotions will be out of control. I guess I will show you the ugliest existence ever.  My apologies. Upfront.
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